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I think you spelled your name wrong…

Checking my good ol’ POF account and came across this little gem. Seemingly innocent, I know…

3/28/2012 3:28:30 PM:

Nothing says “I’m Needy” quite like…

March 16, 2012-10:06pm: I’m sad, say something funny :(

Wow, you sure know how to talk to a girl! Not only does the contents of your dating profile completely creep me out, but you also feel the need to send me this lovely request at 10 o’clock at night. No offense.. but you’re coming off depressed and demanding, my two big dating no-nos.

Height

Boys, I just wanna put it out there.. when it comes to online dating, DO NOT LIE ABOUT YOUR HEIGHT!!

.. Because really? It becomes pretty obvious that you’re lying when I meet you and then you’re gonna give me trust issues n’ all that!

Welcome to the Anthropology of Dating!

Hi.

Those of you who have been here before might have noticed a change. Welcome. As per numerous requests, I have finally decided to blog about my failing-yet humorous-dating life.

So for those who do not know, I’m almost 25, female, and adorable. I love movies, tea and fire places. I also love traveling and can speak some pretty rubbish Japanese (that I frequently use to impress people, as they can’t tell it’s rubbish).

So why blog? Well, two reasons. Firstly, quiet a few people have told me that I need to write a book about the dates I’ve been on. As I have no intentions of writing a book, I am going to blog (I feel it’s the lazy-man’s answer to writing a book). I have ridiculous luck when it comes to the law of attraction and have ended up, more than once, in the most awkward situations or conversations with the most awkward people. I dunno what it is, I attract weirdos. 

Secondly, it’s fucking therapy! You’ll soon find out that after the plethora of weirdos that I have been out with, I need to vent!! EFFFF! After enduring an hour and a half long movie next to a guy whose BO is competing with his AXE body spray, I need to get a few things off my chest.

So here goes nothing. I’m going to write about my failed search for commitment, but committing to a blog.

Dating… fail (contains profanity)

So, I just want to go on record here. There is someone out there for everyone, right? So I don’t feel too bad about saying this because I like to think you won’t die alone. In fact, knowing my luck, you will meet someone before I do. Whatever.

Anyway, where was I. If you are going to get into the game, date, meet people you are interested in pursuing, create an online dating profile, have random sex with people whatever it is your heart desires… make sure you are FIT to date before putting yourself out there.

For starters.. BRUSH YOUR FUCKING TEETH! I dont need to be sitting there staring at your god awful yellow teeth while you sit there staring at my tits. Yes, my rack is great, but you’re never going to find out. Just the thought of your teeth getting anywhere near me makes me want to staple my orifices shut (yes.. all of them). It’s not fair that you get my perky little fun bags to look at, while I’m trying to figure out how many different bacterial cultures are growing on your bicuspids! 

Secondly, trim your nose hairs, wash the hair on your head and actually purchase something decent to wear. We’re not fucking 13 years old anymore. I would like to meet a man not an idiot in skater shoes and a ratty hoodie. Your greasy hair is dripping down your face.

Lastly … AXE is NOT cologne. It’s PUSSY REPELLENT! (Just sayin’). Be a man, buy some real cologne. Girls like cologne… but Axe makes our legs snap shut faster than a mouse trap.

If you follow these rules (and I feel that these are most important, right now) you should be fine on the dating scene. I’m not entirely sure when personal hygiene was taboo, but it’s time we brought it back into style!! Scrub yourself from head to toe and girls will leap all over you! In fact you’ll have more ass than you’ll know what do with!

Thank me later. <3

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